


Know Thyself

by sunkelles



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Eleanor Shellstrop, Bisexual Tahani Al-Jamil, F/F, Femslash, mentions of het ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-18 05:06:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13093011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkelles/pseuds/sunkelles
Summary: Eleanor finds out that Chidi doesn't like her back. Then, she goes over to get plastered at Tahani's house.





	Know Thyself

**Author's Note:**

  * For [titaniumsansa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/titaniumsansa/gifts).



> merry christmas to my best friend! i hope that you like this one. it's the last of the christmas fics, but i hope that it's not the least
> 
> canon typical humor and cursing

Okay, so Chidi doesn’t like her back. This shouldn’t surprise her. She’s terrible, and he might have gone to The Bad Place too, but he’s not the same breed of terrible as she is. Chidi is someone who wanted to do good, but didn’t. Eleanor is someone who never cared and did a lot of bad because of it. So yeah, she’s a worse person than Chidi is. She accepted this a long time ago.

She hadn’t exactly accepted the fact that Chidi didn’t like her back, though. Partially because she didn’t know, and partially because she was just hoping that he would. She hoped that maybe he saw the part of Eleanor he was making better, maybe he was attracted to that, like Henry Higgins and Eliza Doolittle or something. Things worked out for them, at least in the movie. According to her longest running boyfriend when he broke up with her, they did not stay together in the musical. He said something about that when breaking up with her. She wishes that she’s paid more attention to that instead of just shouting at him to get off his high horse.

But still, there are examples of people that make others better that date each other. Tahani and Jason, for example. They might be perfectly matched in attractiveness, but they aren’t in anything else. Jason is trailer park trash (no offense intended, Eleanor grew up on her parents’ rotting couches in their tiny white trash apartments) and Tahani is a well-mannered, rich British woman with more connections than the Queen, probably.

Maybe Tahani will have some advice on this whole thing. She’s a tall woman and each inch of her is filled with wisdom, probably. That’s why Eleanor brings a bottle of wine and two wine glasses over to Tahani’s house, and knocks on the door.

“You wanna get plastered?”

“Not particularly,” Tahani says, “the last time I got drunk, I embarrassed myself in front of the world and then was crushed to death by a statue of my sister.”

“Oh,” Eleanor says, “yeah. That did happen.”

“If you want to get plastered, though, feel free. I’ll have one glass of wine.” Tahani invites Eleanor inside, and they walk through the house to Tahani’s perfect white couch. Eleanor really hopes that she won't get drunk enough to spill this wine. The wine's a red, and if she gets it on this couch it will never come out. Eleanor plops down on the couch and decides not to worry about it.

If Eleanor spills her wine all over Tahani’s pristine, white couch it’s her own fault anyway for deciding to let her drink on it. Shirt- that’s not a good thought. That’s a bad thought. Chidi would be mad at her if he knew about that thought.

And then, it comes full circle back to Chidi. Eleanor sets the wine glasses on the table, and pours her glass all the way full.

“That’s not how you fill a wine glass,” Tahani says.

“I’ll fill it however I want,” Eleanor says, taking a long swig of the stuff. Maybe she shouldn’t drink wine like beer, but it’s not like she choke on her own vomit and die here. She can just get a terrible hangover, since Vicki decided to take away the “no getting drunk” thing permanently in her reboot. Lucky Eleanor. All the fun of drinking with all the shirty after effects. It’s just like being her sad, lonely alive self again.

“So,” Tahani asks, “why are you getting plastered tonight.”

“I’m not anymore,” Eleanor says firmly. At least, that’s not the plan. If she keeps drinking like that first swig, she might be getting plastered anyway.

“Why _were_ you getting plastered tonight,” Tahani corrects. There’s so much baggage to get through to explain what this situation is.

“You know the last time that Chidi and I visited Mindy at The Medium Place, I found a tape of us from another time.”

“A sex tape?” Tahani asks.

“How did you know?”

“What else would there be a tape of?” Tahani asks, like it’s obvious.

“There could be a tape of playing Twister or something,” Eleanor says.

“I’m sure there could be a Twister sex tape,” Tahani says, taking a dainty sip of wine, “Left hand to right boob.” Eleanor grins.

“Beautiful and funny, what a combo,” Eleanor says.

“So,” Tahani says, “why would a sex tape of you and Chidi drive you to drink. I’d think you’d be thrilled about that.” Eleanor bites her lip.

“Oh come, I’ve seen the way you look at him,” Tahani says.

“It wasn’t the tape,” Eleanor says, “it was his reaction to it. He said that he didn’t have feelings for me.”

“Oh,” Tahani says, “I’m sorry.” Eleanor takes another swig of wine, and her glass is half empty now.

“A sad sexy skyscraper?” Eleanor asks, “now that just won’t do.” Eleanor pats the couch beside her.

“Come sit on Santa’s lap and let her kiss it better,” Eleanor says. She doesn’t grimace, but she comes close. That, apparently, just came out of her mouth.

“That’s not how Santa works, Eleanor,” Tahani says.

“I dunno,” Eleanor says, “it sounded kindy. Kindy. You do know I don’t mean kindy, right?”

“Yes, I do.”

“So really,” Eleanor says, “what’s wrong, hot stuff?”

“I broke up with Jason,” Tahani says, “or rather. He broke up with me. That makes things so much worse.” Tahani stares at her glass of wine longingly, like she wants to take an enormous gulp instead of her tiny little sips. She restrains herself, though, and takes as dainty of a sip as ever.

“Dang girl,” Eleanor says, “Jason broke up with you?”

“He said something about this not being dope for either of us,” Tahani says, “and then there was something about Janet. Why am I feeling jealous of an AI?”

“Janet’s a hot AI,” Eleanor says, “not like you, but she’s still pretty hot.”

“I’m not sure that makes me feel better, Eleanor,” Tahani says. The she takes an actual drink of her wine. Not a gulp like Eleanor, but it’s far bigger than her little sips earlier.

“Does it help to hear that you’re better off without him?” Eleanor says.

“Oh no,” Tahani says, “I know that. Jason is a sweet man, but we couldn’t work long term. Not really.”

“Then why are you torn up about it?”

“Being dumped hurts, even though I was projecting so much onto our relationship because I just wanted to have one. It didn’t matter that it was Jason, just that it was someone and that someone cared.” Eleanor knows that feeling. She’s dated more guys or girls than she count just because they’d have her, and then if it started to get too emotional, she’d kick them to the curb and find the next person willing to fill their shoes for a little while.

She never told anyone that she loved them except for “Stone Cold” Steve Austin for a reason.

“I’m sorry about that,” Eleanor says, “but at least you’re able to recognize that. Maybe it’ll make it hurt less. You know, if you know thyself-” Then Eleanor giggles.

“Are you giggling about masturbation again?” Tahani asks. She doesn’t sound appalled, though. She sounds a little amused.

“Maybe,” Eleanor sing songs. Tahani takes another drink of her wine. Then she holds it out to toast.

“To knowing yourself,” Tahani says with a knowing grin.

“To masturbation,” Eleanor says, clinking her glass against Tahani’s. The other woman laughs then. It’s not soft and bell-like the way it is in public. It’s loud and erratic, and Eleanor hears a few snorts mix in.

“You’re great, Eleanor,” Tahani says as she finally gets her laughter under control, “anyone would be lucky to have you.” Tahani is the hottest woman that she’s ever met, and there’s something soft to her too, something caring. And now? Now Tahani’s laughing about her terrible masturation jokes. Tahani is the most perfect woman she’s ever met.

“Thanks Tahani,” Eleanor says. She’s always been attracted to Tahani, but it’s been more of a surface level, sexual attraction. She’s wanted to fork her in a broom closet or something. Now, Eleanor wants to curl up with her on the couch and watch movies and gently kiss until they fall asleep in a heep.

Shirt. Eleanor’s not even over Chidi. She can’t fall in love with Tahani too. This is too much too soon.

“Cool beans,” Eleanor says, sending Tahani two awkward thumbs up.

“Oh Eleanor, you’re too funny,” Tahani says with that refined laugh of hers, and Eleanor’s heart flutters like a forking butterfly. Yup. She’s already in way too deep.


End file.
